Here’s an example. Deklan wanted to bring a snack in the car to pick up Carter from school so I told him to grab one for his little brother, too. Anxious to present Carter with his cup of Cheerios, he handed it to him while I was still attempting to get him buckled in his carseat. One fell out onto his lap so I pulled a total mom move: picked it up and pretended I was going to put it back in the bowl and then ate it. I’ve done it a dozen times, but this time all hell broke loose…

Carter in tears: “I was going to eat that! Give it back to me!”

Me: “Too late.”

Carter: “Why did you eat it? I want it!”

Me: “I was just being silly. I’m sorry you didn’t find it funny.”

Carter: “You are so mean, Mommy! Chew it back out!”

Deklan coming to my defense: “Carter, you have a whole bowl of them, you don’t need that one.”

Me: “Deklan will you share one of yours with me, too? That way you are both short one.”

Deklan hands me one without hesitation.

Me: “There, Carter. Now you have the same amount as brother.”

Carter: “CHEW IT BACK OUT! I WANT MINE BACK!”

Deklan: “Here, Carter, you can have one of mine, too.”

Carter: “NO! I WANT THE ONE MOMMY ATE! SHE’S SO MEAN. I WANT IT BACK.”

Deklan and I make eye contact in the rear view mirror giving each other a look that said buckle up because this isn’t going to end any time soon.

Me: “Carter. I cannot ‘chew it back up’. I would have to gag myself, throw up in my hand, and hand you a pile of throw up. Is that what you want?”

Carter: “YES!”

Okay, Psycho…This has gone from kind of funny to disturbing the minute he agreed to eat my vomit. Ready to put an end to this nonsense, I quickly scan the floor mats in the back at the next red light and spot a lone Cheerio amongst a pile of popcorn and pistachio shells from God knows when. I pick it up quickly, make a vomiting sound, and open up my hand offering the stale Cheerio to Carter.

Me: “Here you go. I chewed it back up.”

Carter:  *with delight in his eyes he stops crying and eats the Cheerio.*

Me: “I have no words…”

I glance at Deklan in the rear view mirror again and he’s looking at Carter with disgust and then looks up at me and tries not to giggle while he shakes his head in disbelief.

Ironically, Son, you were this bat shit crazy at 3 too and I have many blog posts to prove it!

XO,

Amy